Partying Under Protest
by Baby-Firecracker
Summary: Aria is less than pleased to be getting dragged along on Doug's bachelor party but that doesn't mean she won't make the best of the situation. A situation Phil fully intends to use to his advantage. Phil/OC.
1. One of the boys

Title: Partying Under Protest  
Pairing: Phil/OC  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that belongs to the film The Hangover, the characters/actors or anything else you may recongise and it is not my intention to cause copyright infringment.

I know, I know. Another story but I promise this one is all wrote up, the chapters just need to be edited and adjusted so there won't be big delays inbetween updates.

* * *

Chapter One: One of the boys

* * *

"Why am I here again?"

"Because I love you."

"I hate you."

"No, you really don't."

Aria glared at the back of Doug's head from her seat behind him offering up an uncomfortable smile to Alan who was seated in the passenger seat, he stared back blankly at her until she shifted forward in the middle seat effectively ignoring him to look at Doug who was trying desperately to hide his smile. She poked his cheek in annoyance which only seemed to make him more amused by the situation.

"Traditionally the bachelor's party is an all guys trip; I lack the required parts to meet that quota."

Doug chucked lightly, "Trust me I know that but I want you here. Deal with it."

She huffed before leaning back in her seat with her arms crossed tightly over her chest, "I want my protest noted!"

Pulling up outside the school Phil worked at, she let her head fall back against the head rest as she slid her sunglasses over her eyes to stop her from squinting into the sun. Looking out the corner of her eye she saw Phil making his way quickly out of the school and down the steps and held back a miserable groan. It wasn't that she didn't like Phil per say, she liked him plenty if she was honest; he was great company to go for drinks with, it was more she hated how perverted he was with her. She wasn't a shy person by nature and it irked her to no end that Phil could make her flush with just the heat of his gaze over her body.

"Eh, do you have to park so close?"

She tipped her head forward to look at Alan and cocked a curious brow as he desperately tried to cover his face with his hands.

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

"I shouldn't be here."

She snorted in amusement, "Scared of kids?"

"No but I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school."

"What?"

"Or a Chuck E. Cheese."

She returned Doug's look of absolute bafflement and for a spilt second truly worried about what the hell she had gotten herself into on this trip. That and she was seriously questioning whether Alan was a psychopath, he had the crazy eyes thing going on already and now he had some form of retraining order to stay away from kids that wasn't helping her assessment of him any.

She startled and let out a yelp as a bag sailed over her head, the handle slapping her on the forehead as it landed in a heap beside her. Whipping her head around she glared as Phil climbed his way into the car, letting her fist lash out to catch him in the thigh with a solid thump.

"Ouch! Easy, Ri."

"God, watch the leather!"

"Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question."

"You are such an amazing teacher; no really you should have some kind of award."

He ignored her in favour of giving Alan a glance over, "Who's this?"

"It's Alan. Tracy's brother."

Alan looked slightly offended by Phil's question and with good reason, "I met you like, four times."

"Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?"

"Really, Phil?"

"What?"

* * *

"Aria, go get Stu."

She shot Doug a vaguely disgusted look, "You want me to converse with that thing he calls his girlfriend? No way."

"Fine, jesus, I'll go."

Phil gripped Doug by his shoulders to hold him in place, "I've got this." Cupping his hands around his mouth he yelled towards the house, "Paging, Dr Faggot! Dr Faggot!"

Aria let out a giggle at the nickname causing Phil to wink at her before he leaned forward to honk on the horn repeatedly, taking great delight in disturbing Stu's neighbours and in turn probably upsetting Melissa greatly. She found that she got on with Phil the most when he was poking harmless fun at other peoples expense, hypercritically she didn't find it quite as funny as when he aimed his comments her way, Doug usually had to step in at that point to stop it from escalating.

She greeted Stu as he sat down beside her with a wide grin and half hearted punch in his direction. She shifted uncomfortable however as she found herself with less and less space as the trip continued, they weren't exactly travelling in the biggest car despite how pretty it may be. She found herself slumping to the side as Phil shifted his arm to rest it along the back of the seats, shooting him a grateful look she adjusted her seating position, getting herself more comfortable as she sunk back into the soft leather.

Pulling onto the highway she shook her head as Phil pulled out a bag of beer from under his feet offering one to both herself and Stu, shockingly enough both of them declined. She declined because she wanted to wait until they were in Vegas before she began any sort of drinking and Stu, because he wasn't really all that of a drinker, to be honest he was kind of a lightweight.

"Babe, don't be such a bore, have a drink."

"I'd like to remember some part of the night, Phil." She paused and shot a vicious scowl his way, "Don't call me babe."

"Vegas! Vegas, baby!"

She watched highly amused as Alan leaned over the door to scream continuously at a little blonde girl in the car next to them. Her mouth dropped open and she spluttered out a laugh as the kid flipped him off and he dropped back into his seat with a sulky look on his face as the car took over them.

"Come on, just til Barstow. Everybody's passing us."

"Absolutely not. I promised Sid, I will be the only one driving this car."

"My grandma drives faster than this."

"Shut up, Aria. Your grandma's been dead for years!"

"Yeah, that was kind of my point."

"Whatever, besides Phil you've been drinking."

Phil let out a scoff, "Oh, what are you, a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk."

Stu bobbed his head in agreement, "True. Don't forget, Phil was always our designated drunk driver."

Doug remained impassive to the whole argument, "Yeah. You wanna explain it to them, Alan?"

"Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah." He explained before twisting back to face the front.

Aria stared at the back of his head for a moment, "That's…really, really sad."

"Aw, whatever. I left my dog at home so I could go with you guys. You know how difficult that was?"

Alan turned in his seat so he could face Phil, "That's really sweet."

Phil rolled his eyes in response, "Yeah. Dude, I was being sarcastic. I fucking hate my life. I may never go back. I might stay in Vegas. Doug, enjoy yourself, because come Sunday...you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day."

"Yeah, that's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?"

Everyone took a moment to look at each other to determine how to respond to that before Stu replied, "Oh, really? That's why you're single?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. Good to know."

Doug as always broke the awkward silence in the car, "Am I all right over there, Alan?"

Alan nodded without looking, "Yeah, you're good."

"Aw, Jesus Christ!"

"Oh my God!

"That was awesome!"

Aria held a hand over her heart as she tried to control her breathing, her eyes tightly closed as she envisioned the truck not severing out of the way but instead smashing into the car. She jumped back when she realised she was clinging to Phil's bicep and he had his arm around her shoulders, firmly holding her against his chest. Lifting her head her eyes connected with his and she felt a hot flush work its way down her face and neck as she detangled herself from his embrace.

"Sorry."

He smirked down at her, "It's no problem, really."

* * *

Aria smiled widely from her place on top of the bonnet as Alan conversed with an old man who had came up to compliment the car. She was taking a shine to the chubby little man; he had various funny moments without realising he was being funny. Although he still freaked her out when he took on that vacant expression and stared at her like he could see into her soul.

"You heard me. Don't look at me, either. Yeah, you better walk on."

She shrugged at the stranger as he turned to her for some form of explanation, she however was too busy trying to hold in her laughter over the entire situation to give him any sort of verbal response. Shaking her head in amusement she lay back against the warm metal and closed her eyes enjoying the cool breeze against her skin. She squinted her eyes open as she felt something looming over her and barely suppressed a scream as Doug's frowning face came into view inches from her own. She settled instead for punching him hard on the shoulder, satisfied when he winched in pain.

"What are you doing? You'll scratch the paintwork!"

"You have _got _to relax."

"Aria…"

"Sorry, _Dad_."

Hopping off the bonnet she made her way around the car, snagging the packet of chips off Phil as she passed him ignoring his shout of protest as she shoved a handful into her mouth. She almost choked on them a second later when an arm wound around her waist and tugged her off the ground as the other tried to grab the bag off her. Squirming in his hold she moved her arm in different directions in an attempt to keep them from him, concerned that all the movement was going to make him lose his grip on her and she'd fall on her ass.

"Didn't you ever learn to share, Phil?"

"Didn't you ever learn stealing is wrong, Ri?"

"Touché."

She let her head drop back against him as she lifted the bag up under his nose and shook it in surrender. He snatched the bag out of her hands, keeping his other arm around her waist as he shoved her towards the car door with his body, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek in a form of thanks.

Once back in the car, she found herself with her head leaning against Phil's chest, her nose brushing against the buttons on his shirt and her legs curled up in Stu's lap, careful not to shove her feet any place they shouldn't be and instead pressed them against the door. She was dimly aware of the conversation going on around her but decided to tune out completely as she heard the word masturbation and attempted to get some sleep knowing that she was in for possibly the world's longest drinking session when they arrived in Vegas. She did not in any way want to have to return to the hotel all because she was sleepy from the car ride in. She let out a contented sigh as Stu massaged her calf's causing her toes to curl into the cool leather of the door in pleasure. She felt Phil's chest shake as he chuckled, no doubt laughing at her reaction, as his hand fell to grip her hip. Within moment she found herself drifting off completely as she snuggled further into the heat of Phil and Stu's bodies.

She came to as the car rolled to a stop and Stu shifted out from underneath her legs. Lifting a hand to her eyes she rubbed furiously in an attempt to liven herself up, with a groan she pushed herself up into a sitting position and found amused blue eyes trained on her.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Self consciously she wiped her face but found no drool, touching her hair however she realised she had a total case of bed hair. Scrunching her face up in annoyance she attempted to straighten out the tangled curls, sticking her tongue out at Phil's back as he made his way out the car. Turning to Doug she lifted a brow in question as he stared at her fondly.

"Shut up."

"You look like you've just been laid."

"I wish."

* * *

Aria let out a happy squeal as she jumped onto Doug's back as they made their way inside the villa, happy when he griped the back of her thighs to steady her instead of just letting her dangle from his neck. The villa was way more awesome than she was expecting it to be; of course at over four thousand dollars she was expecting something rather swanky, the hot tub was a rather pleasant surprise.

"Okay, ladies, pick a room, get dressed. Let's be ready in thirty minutes."

"Thirty minutes?"

She jumped off Doug's back and made her way to her room dragging her suitcase behind her, occasionally stopping as the thing almost tipped over in her haste to get to her room. With a groan she hefted the bag onto the silk sheets and took a moment to enjoy the luxury of the room, pausing in awe to look out of the window and take in all the city lights. Turning back to her bag she pulled out a simple short black dress with red satin high heels, deciding long ago not to wear anything too fancy since she was going out with an all male group and didn't want to bring any unnecessary attention to herself. It was Vegas after all; someone would probably think she was a hooker. Setting her outfit out she pulled out her tongs and plugged them in leaving them to heat up on the dresser as she quickly brushed her teeth and applied some eye make up which consisted of eyeliner and mascara. After touching up her curls she sprayed some perfume on and gave her lips a slick of red lipstick, pressing a kiss to the mirror on impulse. Slipping on her dress she grabbed her shoes and bag and made her way out the door and followed the boy's voices to what she was sure was Stu's room. Leaning against the doorway she shoved on her shoes before walking further into the room and letting out a horrified shriek.

"Put some clothes on!" She paused to notice everyone staring at the little black box in Doug's hand, "What's that?"

Doug turned it so she could get a clear look inside, "Engagement ring."

"Ew, Stu. You're gonna marry the dragon lady?"

"See! Aria agrees with me!"

Doug withheld his smirk as he pointed sternly at them, "Hey, that's his fiancée."

Phil shrugged, "What? It's true. You know it's true. She beats him."

"That was twice, and I was out of line. She's strong-willed and I respect that." Stu explained calmly.

Aria was gobsmacked, "She beats you? B-but she's so tiny."

"She fucked a sailor!"

"Hey, he wasn't a sailor. He was a bartender on a cruise ship, Phil. You know that."

Stu remained unimpressed throughout the entire conversation, "Guys, I'm standing right here. So I can hear everything that you're saying."

The conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Alan, "Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?"

"What?"

"Do what?"

"Let the dogs out. You know."

Aria let out a quiet laugh as Alan softly began to sing the song, complete with a little dance move. Moments like these made her forget how much Alan freaked her out and instead made her realise he was a great source of amusement. Somehow she didn't think he'd appreciate it if she said that to him though as she didn't believe he actually knew he was being funny.

"Who brought this guy?"

"Yes, Alan, we are ready to let the dogs out."

Aria sighed as she made her way out the door, "Can't believe I came to Vegas for this."

Phil apparently was still cranky from the conversation in Stu's bedroom because everything that came out his mouth was tinged with annoyance and it appeared most of his comments were going to be directed at Alan for the time being.

"You're not really wearing that, are you? The man-purse? You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys fucking with me?"

Aria and Doug shared a knowing glance, they knew that the conversation could very well head south if Phil was left to his own devices but neither was particularly inclined to jump into the conversation. Stu ignored them all as he jabbed repeatedly for the elevator, almost desperate for it to appear and for the drinking to begin.

"Phil, leave it alone."

Alan grabbed his bag protectively at his hip, "It's where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments on this. Plus, it's not a man-purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."

"So does Joy Behar."

"Phil!" Aria snapped before slinging an arm around Alan's shoulders, "It's real nice, buddy."

She tensed as she felt him sniffing her hair, "You smell like watermelon."

She was saved from further commenting as the elevator arrived with a ping effectively breaking up the conversation and bringing their attention to the couple in the lift that looked highly suspicious if you asked her. She gagged silently as she watched the blonde swipe her fingers over her lips, followed by her tongue and realised exactly what the couple had been doing before they interrupted them. She squeezed herself in-between Doug and Stu to get to the front so she didn't have to witness anything going on behind her, utterly horrified by how the night had begun.

"We're going up, guys."

"Yeah, that's perfect."

All four of them turned to Phil in confusion, ""Really? We're going up?"

* * *

"We are definitely not supposed to be up here."

She rolled her eyes behind Stu's back, finding Phil grinning back at her as she did so. She might not be a major rebel but Stu made her look like a complete badass, he was the most responsible guy she'd ever known in her life, he'd probably combust if he did anything halfway wild and impulsive in his entire life.

"Come on, we're paying for a villa. We can do whatever the fuck we want."

"Yeah, but..."

"Just wedge the door open." Phil explained while gesturing for them all to climb up the ladder he was standing in front of.

One by one they all made their way up the ladder; although Stu protested loudly as he did so, stating he was blaming the entire thing on Phil if anything happened to go wrong while they were up there. Once he was up, Phil turned to her and gestured with an exaggerated arm movement towards the ladder as he bowed down before her.

"Mi lady."

She scoffed, "No way, I'm going last."

"What if you fall?"

"I'd rather that than you staring up my dress the whole way up, you pervert." She snarked.

He smiled back at her charmingly before nodding with a chuckle and made his way up the ladder, waiting at the top to help her over the small ledge. They made their way over to the group just in time for Alan to pull out a bottle from his bag with five small shot glasses.

"A little Jägermeister."

Mutters of agreement came from all of them as they accepted a shot of him. After taking the first shot, Stu began speaking whilst Phil poured them all out another shot.

"I'd like to make a toast, to Doug and Tracy. May tonight be but a minor speed bump in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage."

"Cheers."

"Alright, I wanna talk about something -"

Alan broke into Phil's sentence without a second thought, even as though he didn't realise he was doing it in his haste to speak, "I want to...I'd like to...I'd like to say something that I prepared tonight."

He paused to rifle through his bag and pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper, "Hello. How about that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So were there two...So there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought: 'Wait a second. Could it be?' And now, I know for sure. I just added two more guys to my wolf pack."

"I feel so included right now." Aria muttered under her breath.

"Four of us wolves running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine, so tonight, I make a toast."

"You know I'm here, right? Cause I'm starting to get offen-whoa!"

She cut herself off as Alan whipped out a small knife from seemingly nowhere and pressed it to his palm dragging it across his skin, at that point all four of them began to freak out and Aria went back to her original theory that Alan was in fact a complete and utter psycho.

"Dude, what the fuck?"

"What the hell are you doing?"

"What _is_ that?"

"Blood brothers." He explained as though the answer should have been obvious to them.

"No, I'm not doing that. Make him stop."

Doug cautiously approached him with a hand stretched out, "Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves. Give me the knife. Slowly, thank you. Okay. Thank you very much."

Aria watched wide eyed as the guys all checked him over and watched his warily and questioned her safety once more on this trip and tried to communicate with her eyes the hate she felt for Doug in the moment for making her come on this trip with them and a highly emotionally unstable person. She shook her head as Phil tried to coax her into a group huddle, grinding her heels into the ground in an attempt to stay put as he tugged her waist until she stumbled further into the group, him motioning for them to lift a shot.

"All right, to a night the five of us will never forget."


	2. What happened last night?

Title: Partying Under Protest  
Pairing: Phil/OC  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that belongs to the film The Hangover, the characters/actors or anything else you may recongise and it is not my intention to cause copyright infringment.

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and story alerted this!

* * *

Chapter Two: What Happened Last Night?

* * *

Aria woke with a start as a loud crash echoed around her, after a second of waking a pounding pain immediately shot through her head and with a pitiful whine she covered her eyes with her arm in an attempt to shut out the sun and with it shut off the awful pain. Her mouth tasted like moth balls and she was lying on the hard tiles of the balcony floor, her bed pillows were lying useless beside her and she was currently wearing nothing but her underwear and a suit jacket.

"Aw, god."

Standing up was evidently a bad idea as her world tipped on its axis and she resisted the urge to throw up. Clutching onto the walls for support she began to stumble her way back inside and almost stepped on a chicken that was aimlessly wandering around the villa. Now even more confused she ventured further into the room and encountered the sight of Stu slumped on the couch, Phil standing about shirtless and Alan hysterically looking about the trashed room.

"There's a tiger in there."

"No, there isn't."

"Yeah! It's big. Gigantic."

"There's a tiger?"

Everyone turned to answer and immediately stopped to take a second look as their mouths dropped open and it wasn't until Phil spoke that she realised she was still walking around with her underwear on display.

"Damn, nice, Ria!"

With a scowl she tugged the lapels of the suit jacket until it was wrapped around her quickly doing up some of the buttons so that it wouldn't flap open should she forget to hold it closed. Sluggishly she made her way to the couch and couldn't even find the energy to scold Phil as he sat extremely too close to her, instead she choose to close her eyes and drop her head onto his shoulder, massaging her fingers against her temple in the vain hope that it would ease her pounding headache. Cracking an eye open she watched as Stu grew paler and paler and prepared herself to jump in case he was about to hurl all over her.

"They have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed."

Alan continued to hover anxiously behind them, "How does a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me."

"Does someone want to explain the tiger to me?"

Phil winced as he looked over at Alan, "Hey, bro? You mind putting on some pants? I find it a little weird I have to ask twice. What the fuck happened last night?"

Aria whimpered as he jolted her to lean forward, "Stop moving! At least you woke up indoors and still with the majority of your clothes on."

"Yeah, you're wearing my suit jacket."

She fingered the material softly as she replied, "This is yours? Why am I wearing it?"

"I've no idea." He smiled down at her as he brought his face closer to hers, "Looks good on you though."

She found herself leaning in to him as her eyes flickered down to his lips, lips that were growing into a devilish grin when he realised where her train of thought was currently heading.

"Hey, guys, am I missing a tooth?"

Startled they both looked over at Stu, Phil with a tad more annoyance spread across his features than what Aria had. Both their expressions slid into shock however when they realised that Stu was in fact missing a tooth, a very noticeable missing tooth at that.

Phil barely held back his laugh as he took in the sight before him, "Oh, shit."

"Stu, that is not good at all."

Panicked Stu grabbed a serving tray to use as a makeshift mirror, "Oh, my God. My lateral incisor...It's gone!"

Phil barely held back his laughter as he replied, "It's okay. Okay, okay, just calm down. We're fine. Everything's fine. Alan go wake up Doug. Lets get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows."

Aria got up from her seat ignoring Phil's grumble of protest to sit beside Stu and rubbed his back in the hopes it comforted him as he began to get hysterical over the situation. His rising volume was not however appreciated to her already sensitive ears and head.

"What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth and I have no idea how it happened."

"Tell her you punched out her sailor to defend her honour."

"It was a bartender!"

"That's your argument right now? Really? Sometimes you are such an idiot."

"Aria, Stu! Lets just calm down, you're freaking me out and I've got a massive headache, okay?"

"How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you." He gestured erratically around them and Aria couldn't argue that he had a good point; the place was a total bomb site.

Alan came back into the living room with a confused look on his face, "Hey, guys, he's not in there."

"Did you check all the rooms?"

"Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone."

"Are you telling me that Doug is not in this villa?"

"Relax; He probably went to the pool to get something to eat. I'll just call his cell."

Stu groaned pathetically as he looked himself over again, "I look like a nerdy hillbilly."

"You've always kind of looked like that." She patted his shoulder sadly ignoring his glower.

Their attention was brought to Alan who had just picked up Doug's ringing cell phone without realising it. Aria bit her lip in worry, Doug was missing and he didn't have his cell phone with him, she had no idea how in the hell they were going to find him now and worse yet they didn't even know if he was even alright.

"Oh, hey, Phil... This is Doug's phone."

"No shit."

Phil shot Alan a deadpan look as he shut his phone and shook his head in disbelief. They were all brought out of their thoughts when a babies cry came from out of no where. Freezing in place they all looked at each other waiting for someone to come up with a feasible reason why a baby would be in the room with them, especially given they just spent the night partying.

"What the fuck is that?"

Once they'd opened the closet they realised it was a real baby in the suite with them. Aria wondered who on gods green earth would leave a baby with _them _and then for one horrifying second she worried that they had actually took a baby off someone.

"Whose fucking baby is that?"

"Did we kidnap a goddamn baby?"

"Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite? " Stu asked Alan almost pleadingly.

"Yeah, I checked all the rooms. No one's here. Check its collar or something."

She looked over at Alan incredulous, "It's not a dog!"

"Shh, Shh. It's okay, baby."

"Stu, we don't have time for this. Lets go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later."

Aria slapped Phil hard on his bare chest, "Phil, we're not going to leave a baby."

"There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom."

"It's not our baby."

"Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one."

"Shockingly enough I also agree with not leaving the baby in a closet with a tiger near by."

"Alright, fine. Okay, we'll take it with us. Could you at least just find some pants Alan?"

She stared back at Stu vacantly as he tried to pass the baby to her, "Why the fuck are you giving him to me?"

"You're the girl."

"So? Babies don't like me."

He shoved the baby into her arms giving her no option but to cradle the infant. She stared down at the kid horrified as it wriggled about in her arms in an attempt to get free; carefully she placed the baby back into the car seat and lifted it up carrying him off to her room. After making sure the baby was secure on her bed with no danger of falling off or getting out the seat she retreated into the bathroom and was appalled at the state of both the bathroom and herself. Her black curls were tangled and sticking in all directions and she had a serious case of panda eyes going on.

After managing to make herself look halfway decent she went to throw her make up wipes into the bin when she spotted a small foil packet lying in the basket and was disgusted when she spotted a used condom lying beside it. Her heart stopped however as she looked down at her half clothed state and she _was_ wearing Phil's jacket. She really hoped that they didn't sleep together last night and worst of all she couldn't even remember sleeping with him.

* * *

"Hey, Phil, look. He's jacking his little weenis."

"Pull yourself together, man."

"Not at the table, Carlos."

Aria currently had her head down on the table with her eyes closed and her sunglasses on in an attempt to block out all form of sunlight around her and she had zero intention of opening them to even discover what the hell Alan was doing to that poor child. She did reluctantly open them nonetheless when Stu appeared back at the table because she was dying to know if he had any leads on where Doug could be.

"I looked everywhere. Gym, casino, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug, he's not here."

Phil didn't seem to be as concerned as the rest of them, "He's fine. He's a grown man. Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down. Here, have some juice."

Aria looked away revolted and dry heaved as Stu shot to the side and was sick on the ground as the small glass of orange juice was shoved over to him. She was totally going to be sick if she looked anywhere near him right now.

"I can't have juice right now."

"Can we change the subject? Please!" Aria groaned as she dropped her head into her hands.

"Okay. Alright, let's just track this thing. What's the last thing we remember doing last night?"

"Well, the first thing was we were on the roof and were having those shots of Jäger."

"And then we ate dinner at The Palm. Right?"

"That's right and then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there."

"That sounds right. No, no. He definitely was."

"You know what, guys? I don't even remember going to dinner." Stu explained in complete exasperation.

"I know, I don't think I've ever been this hungover."

"I think I'm dying."

"You're not dying, babe."

She peeked at him from between her fingers to glare at him half heartedly for the nickname, "Feels like it."

"After the Hard Rock, I blacked out. It was like emptiness."

"Okay back on track. We have up until ten pm...So that gives us a 12-hour window where we could have lost him."

"We are horrible, horrible friends."

Alan rooted around in his pockets before pulling out something small and off white, squinting at it he asked, "What is this?"

Stu's eyes widened in disbelief, "Oh, my God. That is my tooth."

Aria's eyes darted between them before she took advantage of the other two men's distraction, "Phil, I need to talk to you."

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?"

She tugged on his shirt sleeve to get his attention, "Last night –"

His brow furrowed in thought before he leaned back away from her, "What? No, this is a good thing. Check your pockets. Do you have anything?"

Each of them seemed to produce some form of paper from within their pockets, so with sigh of aggravation she dug her fingers into the suit jacket she had thrown back over her tank and jeans. Shoving her conversation with Phil to the back of her mind for the time being she grudgingly reminding herself that it was a conversation that they did have to have eventually.

"I have an ATM receipt from the Bariagio. Eleven-o-five for _eight hundred_ dollars! I am so fucked; Melissa is going to kill me."

"I have a valet ticket from Caesars, at five fifteen am."

Phil ran a nervous hand through his hair, "Oh, shit. We drove last night?"

"Driving drunk. Classic."

Finally finding purchase she tugged a small ticket snub from the pocket, "Hmm I have – Oh!"

"What?"

"Huh, I have some form of stripper ticket." Turning to Phil she pressed it into his palm, "I sincerely hope this is yours, Phil."

"Really? I hope it's yours."

"What's on your arm?" Alan questioned whilst pointing to the plastic bracelet around Phil's wrist.

"Jesus, Phil. You were in the hospital last night."

"I guess so, yeah."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, Alan. I'm fine."

Rolling her eyes Aria leaned back in her seat, "Yeah, chill out he's walking and talking, we already knew he was brain damaged."

"Very funny, what the hell is going on?" Phil paused and tried to look on the bright side of the situation, "Well, Stu, this is a good thing. We have a lead now."

* * *

Aria shifted impatiently as she waited for Phil to stop talking with the valet booth guard as she half heartedly listened in to Alan and Stu's conversation,

"So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?"

Scoffing at that line of questioning she made a beeline for Phil and grabbed his arm to pull him away from the other two members of their group. Squirming under his probing gaze she leaned in close to him, looking around to make sure neither of the guys were listening in to their conversation.

"Did we sleep together last night?"

"Uh, what?"

"Phil, be serious." She hissed as she took in his wide grin.

"I'm pretty sure I'd remember something like that. No, no. I _know _I'd remember something like that."

"Well someone had sex in my room last night and I swear I'll die if I slept with Alan!"

She wasn't at all impressed when he burst into hysterical laughter at her comment given that she was being completely serious. She was only just warming up to the other guy but even then she in no way wanted to have sex with him, he already creeped her the hell out without knowing that he's seen her naked. Her train of thought stopped and she grew wary as Phil took a couple of steps towards her and smirked down at her devoid of all the side-splitting laughter he was previously doing.

"So you don't mind sleeping with me."

"W-what?" She stuttered out, fully aware of the growing blush across her cheeks.

"You weren't going to die when you thought you slept with me. You know I'll be more than happy to fulfil that desire, anytime, anyplace."

Slapping his bicep she shot him a look to behave, "Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like you wanna see me naked!"

He leered at her chest before meeting her eyes again, "But I do. You gonna let me?"

Her breathing faltered as he leaned in closer to her, so close that she could feel the heat of his breath on her lips and she found herself titling her head up to brush her lips against his as his hand rose to grip her hip pulling her in closer to his body.

"Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes."

"Jesus, Relax, we'll be careful." He snarled, entirely upset that his progress with Aria was once again interrupted.

Alan continued on unfazed, "My dad is crazy about that car. He left Doug in charge..."

"Al, we got bigger problems here. Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt. Let's worry about the car later."

Not liking where the conversation was going she interrupted, "Phil, shut up."

"Uh, guys? Check it out."

The four of them gaped as they stared up at the mattress that appeared to be impaled on a statue on the edge of the building.

"Is that the mattress from Doug's room?"

"What the fuck?"

"My thought's exactly."

Phil approached one of the men that was standing there before them, "Hey, man, what's going on?"

The man looked over quickly before answering, "Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night. Some guys just can't handle Vegas."

"How the hell did we manage that?"

Before any of them could even formulate an answer the valet pulled up, only he wasn't driving the Mercedes they were expecting but instead had brought around a cop car. It took all of Aria's self control not to scream at the top of her lungs demanding to know exactly what the hell they had got up to last night that they had to drive a _cop _car home. This was so illegal, if she didn't end up in jail by the time they found Doug then she was surely going to hell.

"Here's your car, officers."

"Oh, God."

"Fuck off; do they seriously believe we're cops? Have they _seen_ us?"

Raising a brow at the venom in her tone Phil shrugged, "Alright, everybody act cool, don't say a word. Let's just get in and go, come on."

* * *

Sitting outside the hospital Aria remained seated in the backseat pouting and refusing to get out the car, she remained unmoving even as Phil told Stu and Alan to go ahead without them and she realised that she was now alone with the guy she had potentially slept with. Squaring her shoulders she prepared herself for whatever cheesy pick up line he was going to hit her with, instead however he slid into the seat beside her and offered her a soft smile.

"You alright? I remember Doug saying you're scared of hospitals."

She blinked in surprise before answering, "Oh, uh, little bit. Nothing I can't handle though."

"Nothing you need to be scared of, babe. I've got your back."

"I'm fine and stop calling me babe!"

She leaned back in her seat as Phil slid closer to her and repressed the urge to melt into a pile of goo at the intensity in his eyes. She found herself more than a little disturbed at her level of sexual frustration around Phil since they'd woke this morning, she'd always found him attractive, she has two functioning eyes afterall but they'd never moved past the flirtation stage of their relationship. Not for lack of trying on Phil's part mind you.

"What would you like me to call you? Baby, darling, sweetheart –"

She clasped her hand tightly over his mouth in exasperation, "God, you could just call me by my name."

"Where's the fun in that?"

She rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to smile back at him as he smirked down at her in total amusement. Pasting on a sultry look she lifted herself up onto her knees on the seat, reaching out a hand to tuck into the opening of his shirt, giving a little smirk when his breath stuttered out across her face as her fingers slid across his chest.

"Did that chick in the leopard dress really have better boobs than me?"

He swallowed nervously as his eyes drifted down to said cleavage and he shook his head frantically, "N-no, not at all."

She bit back a grin, having fun being the one that was causing someone discomfort for a change and knowing Phil it wouldn't last very long so she was glad she took advantage of the situation. She let out an indignant squeal as his hands took a hold of her waist, awkwardly spinning them until she was pressed against the sticky leather of the back seat with him looming over her. Her breath got stuck in her throat as his face leaned in closer, his lips brushing hers gently as he maintained eye contact.

"We should get inside."

"Hmm…"

"Stu and Alan are waiting on us."

"Right."

"Phil!"

She whined and shifted beneath him, almost rolling onto the floor in her haste to push open the door and escape the police car and make her way swiftly to the entrance.

"Tease!"

* * *

"Okay, here we go. Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a.m. arrival. Minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard."

Stu took a few steps to read over the doctor's shoulder and held out a hand for the chart, "Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor."

"Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist."

Aria scowled as Stu's face fell at the doctor's words; it was one thing for them to rag on him about not actually being a doctor but another for some complete stranger to do it.

"Dude, rude much?"

"Oh, I'm surprised you can speak."

She scowled at his smarmy tone, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you and Mr Wenneck here were so attached at the mouth last night that it was hard to get a word out of either of you."

"Say what?"

"Score." Phil grinned down at her and slung an arm around waist, his hand resting above the curve of her ass causing her to repress the violent urge to kick him in his nads.

"Kill me now."

The impatient Doctor rolled his eyes at them and fliped open the file in his hand, "Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning. They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system." Seeing the blank stares being directed his way, he explained, "Ruphylin. Roofies. Commonly known as the date-rape drug?"

"What, so, what are you saying, I was raped last night?" Phil scoffed with a chuckle.

"Don't even look at me Alan I didn't rape Phil!"

"Actually...I don't think so but someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything."

"Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?"

"Shut up, idiot."

Stu nudged her with a look, "Play nice."

"I'm always nice." She mumbled and diverted her gaze away from him feeling like a scolded child.

"How could someone have drugged all of us?"

"I wouldn't worry about it. The stuff's out of your system. You're gonna be fine."

Phil puts out a hand to halt the doctors escape, "Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor. Is there anything else? Like something we may have been talking about..."

"...or some place we were going?"

"Actually, there was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."

Stu gave him an incredulous look and shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow."

"You know what? I want the 100 back."

"No, no. Easy. You kept talking about some wedding you just came from. At the, uh, Best Little Chapel."

Aria rolled her eyes and shifted away from the boys when she spotted the receptionist out of the corner of her eye waving her over. Slightly confused she began to slowly approach the girl with a cautious smile in place, barely dodging Phil attempting to catch her jean loops as she moved away from him.

"You're back!"

"Uhm, yes?"

"You look really nice, I mean not that you didn't look nice last night but uh…did you lose my number?" The girl stuttered out with a blindingly white smile.

"I have your number?"

"Yes, girlie. You said you'd call me before you had to head out."

"I did?"

She gave the girl her most confused face and hurried to explain when it looked like she was getting offended at her memory loss.

"I'm sorry, I was apparently roofied last night so I don't remember shit."

"Oh, my god. Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Nothing but my dignity."

Her brow furrow as the girl let out a high pitched giggle like she'd just said the funniest joke in the world and gently swatted at her, her fingertips trailing down her forearm as she leaned in closer to her. Aria stood frozen in place as she leant close and pressed a quick chaste kiss to her lips, pressing a piece of paper into her slackened palm before moving away, throwing a wink over her shoulder for good measure.

"Don't lose my number this time okay?"

Aria turned slowly and was met with two turned on looks, albeit Stu looked like he was kicking himself with guilt for remotely enjoying the scene he just witnessed, and one only mildly curious one.

Alan cocked his head to the side and studied her for a moment, "Are you a lesbian?"

"What? NO!"

"Are you sure? She sure thought you were. We won't think any less of you."

"Yeah, babe. You can tell us if you're into girls."

She uncrossed her arms which hand been defensively across her chest and began tugging at her belt to undo it whilst giving them all her best glare as she answered, "I am not a lesbian! Fuck, I'll do one of you right now."

With an uncomfortable cough Stu walked towards her and quickly reached for her hands, halting her progress in undressing herself. She ignored Phil's unhappy whine at the strip being over and focused on her friend before her.

"We believe you aren't a lesbian, you don't have to have sex with one of us to prove it."

She returned Stu's smile briefly before turning and stomping towards the door for the parking garage, vaguely aware of the others following close behind her listening to her raged mumbles with obvious amusement.

"So not a lesbian."

"We can still have sex to prove it if you want."


	3. Everything's going to be alright

Title: Partying Under Protest Pairing: Phil/OC Disclaimer: I do not own anything that belongs to the film The Hangover, the characters/actors or anything else you may recongise and it is not my intention to cause copyright infringment.

Thank you so much to everyone who took an interest in this story and reviewed.

I told you guys it would be fast updates right?

* * *

Chapter Three: Everything's gonna be alright

* * *

Aria sighed and hoisted herself up onto the bonnet of the cop car as the boys when to talk to the owner of the chapel. She was going to be so emotionally scarred by this trip already and felt that she just had to sit and take a breath before she started completely freaking out.

She looked back at the door and seen no sign of the guys coming out so she dug into the inside pocket of Phil's jacket and tugged out her phone, she'd found it stuffed down the side of the front seat of the car and hadn't had a chance to go through it. She checked quickly for any voicemails or text messages that could lead them to Doug but pouted when she found none. For curiosity sake she took a look through her phone and found the most random of pictures, some of which she couldn't even make out.

"What the hell is that?" She asked herself, turning it in all directions in the hope to make out what it was.

"Is that what I think it is?"

She jumped startled at the voice and whipped her head around to see Phil squinting at her phone; she hadn't even heard or seen him walk up to her.

"You scared the crap of me! Wait, you know what this is?"

"Yeah, I don't think you want me to tell you though."

"Why not? Oh, is it dirty?"

He smiled at her and moved to stand in between her legs, "Most definitely, in fact I'm gonna keep this."

He snagged the phone out of her hand and quickly tucked it into his back pocket. He cupped his hands around each of her knees and tugged her down the bonnet so she was resting against him, her legs on either side of his hips while he positioned his hands on her waist.

"You gonna tease me again?"

She shook her head at him and smiled while fiddling with his shirt buttons, "I didn't tease you before."

"If that's your story. C'mon, how long you gonna make me chase you?"

"We've been here a day, Phil. You're hardly chasing me."

He snorted and pulled her in closer to him, "Please, I've been chasing your ass since we met and you know it."

"Well you're not very good at it then are you?"

"Oh, really?"

She looped her arms around his neck as she giggled at his offended face, "You are so lucky you're pretty."

He rolled his eyes playfully before leaning in quickly to nip and nuzzle at her neck, laughing as she let out a squeal as his facial stubble tickled her.

"Hey, Phil. What about my dad's car?"

Phil pulled back with a sigh but kept her pinned between him and the car as he looked over at Alan and Stu who had finally made it out of the Little Chapel, Alan's arms filled with boxes.

"I'm sure Doug has it. We'll get it back."

"What's in the boxes?"

"Stu's wedding souvenirs."

She gaped and turned to Stu who shook his head at her with a look pledging her not to ask. She turned back to Phil full of questions and he mouthed 'later' at her, his fingers running up over her ribs distracting her from her line of questioning.

"So I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it."

"Torch it? Who are you?"

Aria's brows rose in disbelief at the venomous tone from her usually very responsible friend, "Chill, danger loving guy."

"I don't know, Phil. Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers. This whole situation is completely fucked; these mugs, this hat, this car."

"Hey!" Alan yelped when Stu snatched the hat off his head to fling to the ground.

"There are hats? Can I have one?"

Stu scowled at her and gestured frantically around him as he spoke, "NO! It's all evidence of a night that never happened. That is why we're torching all of it."

"Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher and I'm way too pretty for jail, okay? I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gonna torch a cop car."

"Fine, I'll do it."

"Can I help?"

"Yeah, thanks."

Aria stared at them in complete bafflement, "Who are you two?"

The argument was cut short as Stu's phone rang, any hope that it was Doug trying to contact them was squished when Stu bitterly announced it was Melissa phoning for the third time since they'd left the hotel. Aria hummed and tapped her fingers against the back of Phil's thighs as they all watched Stu stutter out excuses to Melissa as to why he hadn't answered his phone in the past like ten hours. Looking up she blushed as Phil quirked a brow at her and she immediately stopped tapping and withdrew her hands with a sheepish smile. For once Phil didn't make a comment, instead he smacked a kiss to her forehead, as he grabbed her hips and hoisted her off the bonnet, giving her a pat on the ass to shoo her to the car door. She went without protest, she was entirely too exhausted to even contemplate arguing with him right now and she found that she was actually kind of comforted by the fact that Phil could still act like a giant pervert in this crisis.

"It'd be so cool if I could breast-feed, you know?"

Aria rolled her eyes in exasperation from the back seat as she peered over at Alan, "I seriously question your mental health every hour that I know you."

She wasn't entirely sure what happened next but all of sudden windows were being smashed in and the car erupted into entire chaos, everyone's voices slamming together and she had a hard time deciphering who was saying what and what the hell was going on.

"Hey! What the hell, man?"

"Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery. That's a goat."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know!"

"Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?"

"I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked."

"Oh, my God!"

"Hey! There's a baby on board!"

"It's a baby goat."

"Are you fucking kidding me with the goat thing? Fucking grow a pair, Stu!"

"Aria? Why would Aria be here on a stag night? That's just silly."

"Get out of the car!"

"Phil, he's got a gun!"

"No shit he's got a gun!"

"There's a gun?"

"I gotta call you back. Bye."

"He shot Eddie!"

"Fuck this shit!"

"I hate you all so much right now!"

"Go, go, go!"

* * *

This wasn't exactly Aria's first time in a police station but it was the first time she stood in it thinking she might actually go to prison. If she was honest she was impressed that they hadn't been picked up hours ago, they were riding around in a stolen cop car and they hadn't exactly been discreet about their whereabouts or what they were doing, almost being shot at included. The only bright side to their situation was that the previously 'missing' baby was reunited with its mother, the last thing they needed was to be caught with not only a stolen cop car but a stole baby as well.

Instead she now stood sloped to the side attached to Phil at one side and Stu the other, she thanked god for small mercy that the police officer hadn't attached her to Alan; she was literally two seconds away from committing murder, police witnesses be damned. Phil held out a pay phone to her at one side and Stu tugged their attached wrists at the other.

"Aria, you call her."

She snorted and shook her head in the negative, "What, why me?"

"Because she likes you." Stu explained with what she was sure was meant to be a charming smile which was entirely ruined by his gap.

"That is so false, she totally hates me for taking Doug's virginity."

"Uh, what?"

"What?"

"You had sex with Doug?"

She tried to shrink into the background as she shrugged, "Did you all not know that? Whoops."

She averted her eyes from the shocked looks on Phil and Stu's faces as they processed what she had revealed and instead turned her attention to one of their arresting officers herding a small group of children past them.

"After we take the mug shots, we bring them down here...where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers. Trust me, kids; you do not wanna be sitting on these benches. We call this place loserville."

"Suddenly remember why I don't like cops, or kids for that matter." She remarked as she witnessed the exchange between Alan and a blonde boy from the group.

"That chubby one was giving me the Vulcan stare."

"The what? You know what, never mind."

Phil huffed impatiently from beside her as he keyed in Tracy's number, "All right, let's do it. Come on."

"Hey, Tracy! It's Phil."

They all remained silent as Phil spun a spiel about conning the hotel out of a spa day. Personally she thought it was a bullshit excuse, for Doug and Phil being total pretty boys they weren't exactly facial and manicure kind of guys. She had a hard time believing Tracy was buying anything he was even saying but he didn't look caught out yet so she figured all was good with them.

"Wenneck, Price, Garner, Summers; Room 3."

"Okay, Trace, I gotta go. We'll talk to you later."

Alan surged forward causing them to become tangled up in each other and she grunted in annoyance as Stu's elbow connected with her ribs. She'd been entirely beat up too much on this stupid trip.

"Okay, spin around."

"Goddamn it."

"I do not bend this way."

"Aria, move your ass!" Stu snapped as she refused to twist anymore than she was.

"Stop pulling."

* * *

"Gentlemen…"

Aria coughed pointedly and gestured to herself before realising that drawing unnecessary attention to herself was a stupid move.

Luckily the officer didn't seem too annoyed at her disruption, "And lady, we've got some good news and we've got some bad news. The good news is we found your Mercedes."

"That's great news. See?"

"Yeah, it's over at impound right now. We picked it up at 5 a.m. this morning...parked in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard."

"In the middle? That's weird."

"Yeah, that is weird. There was also a note. It says, uh, 'Couldn't find a meter, but here's 4 bucks.'"

Peering at the note Aria cringed as she recognised her loopy scrawl, "Oh, I wrote that…uh I mean…"

"The bad news is we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning."

Phil shook his head quickly, "No, we need to be in L.A. tomorrow for a wedding."

"You stole a police car."

"We didn't steal anything. If anything we just borrowed it."

"Um, we found it." Stu tried to explain without much success judging by the looks of their faces.

"Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy."

Aria whipped her head towards Alan with an incredulous look, "What is wrong with you, seriously?"

"I see assholes like you every day."

"Every fucking day."

"Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid!"

"Yeah. Woo! Woo-hoo."

"Woo-hoo."

"Let's steal a cop car, because it'd be really fucking funny."

"Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here."

"Not up in here!"

Phil spread his hands out in a peace gesture and put on his best smile for the cops, "Sir...if I may, um...I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you. Look, I'm not a cop. I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher. But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip...that would look really bad on me."

"What are you getting at?"

"Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?"

"No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding...and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night. But look, the point is, I think we can work out a deal. Discreetly of course, ma'am. What do you say?"

The two officers exchanged looks before leaning in across the table, "Let me ask you a question: Do, uh, any of you have a heart condition or anything like that?"

"Aria does."

"What? Oh, yeah." She agreed with an odd look on her face as Phil avoided her eyes.

* * *

Aria stepped out of the restroom with a grimace on her face, utterly disgusted by the state of the toilets and by the general area. She squinted into the sun for the guys but only spotted Phil leaning against a wooden post by the steps of the office.

She made her way towards him, "Where's Stu and Alan?"

"Signing the car out."

He explained before trying to lower himself into a sitting position, wincing before deciding against it and leaning his head back against the post with a pained groan.

"Holy shit, that hurts."

"Thanks."

He tipped his head towards her, confusion evident in his face, "For what?"

"Lying to those stupid cops to save me from that."

"Ah, was nothing, besides I doubt it was your idea to steal a cop car in the first place."

She smiled in disbelief before popping up on her tip toes to press a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth; pulling back before he had a chance to react in any way other than to blink slowly at her, silently asking if she really did that.

"It was kinda badass, you know? Taking that taser like a mofo." She rushed to fill in the silence.

"Well it did hurt, like a lot." He pouted down at her for good measure.

Rolling her eyes at his tone, she pressed a hand to his shoulder, leaning up again to give him another kiss, if anything just to get him to stop looking like someone had just kicked his puppy. She should have expected him to do something other than just accept her doing something nice for him. At the last minute he turned his head so that their lips connected before she pulled back sharply, they stared at each other for a few seconds causing her to let out a nervous laugh and attempt to step away from him. He evidently had other plans as his hand shot out to grip her wrist gently to tug her back against his chest, lowering his head before she had any chance to protest or laugh it off. She gasped as his teeth nipped into her bottom lip, happily opening her mouth to let him in, her fingers curling around his shoulders to haul herself up closer to him. His hand slid down her spine before settling high on her thigh to pull her up and closer to him, groaning appreciatively when her centre pushed against his. His other hand cradled her neck her hair caught between his fingers which kept pulling occasionally and she found she rather enjoyed it. She enjoyed it so much so that she found herself attempting to grind down on him from her awkward position. She shot backward however when he hissed out in pain and mumbled a curse word darkly against her lips.

"Are you okay?"

His eyes darkened as he took in her mussed hair and reddened lips and reached out for her, "Yeah, I'm good. Come here."

She shook her head and held his forearms to halt his progress, "You're hurt."

"Yeah, shit. This isn't over though, seriously like as soon as it stops stinging we're doing this, I don't give a shit where."

"You are so romantic." She remarked deadpan.

"Shut up, do you know how hot you look right now? Gimme a break, my dicks in serious pain."

"Aw, boo. You want me to kiss it better?"

They stepped away from each other quickly when Stu and Alan came stomping out of the office and instead watched each other out of the corner of their eyes as they listened to Stu rant about the unlawful way the cops treated them.

"Fuck those guys! That was bullshit. I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car."

Phil sighed tiredly as he pressed a hand to his forehead, "They let us go, who cares?"

"I care! You can't just do that. You can't just tase people because you think it's funny. That's police brutality." He paused taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly in an effort to calm himself down, "I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?"

Aria offered him a smile as he went past her and quietly asked for some water before she shot a worried look at Alan who was sitting on the steps looking lost in thought. It was the first time during the trip where he didn't just have a blank look on his face. She kicked Phil's ankle gently to grab his attention before nodding her head in the other man's direction.

Phil lowered himself onto the edge beside Alan and gave a soft laugh at Stu's antics before patting Alan softly on the shoulder, "Alan, you okay?"

Alan shrugged and admitted, "I'm just worried. What if something happened to Doug?

Something bad."

"Come on, you can't think like that."

Aria nodded and made her way closer to them, "Yeah, Doug's gonna be fine, buddy. Just pissed that we haven't found him already."

"But I mean, what if he's dead? I can't afford to lose anybody close to me again. It hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died."

Phil let out an uncomfortable grimace, "Oh, I'm s... How'd he die?"

"World War II."

Aria's brow furrowed, she didn't recall Tracey saying anything about her Grandpa being a solider, never mind actually dying in battle, "He died in battle?"

"No, he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II."

Phil barely contained his eye roll, knowing that Alan was actually worried stopped him from stating out the obvious, "Alan...Doug is fine."

"Well, why hasn't he called?"

"We don't know, but we're gonna figure it out."

Before anyone could say anything else Stu came around the corner and evidently on his second rant of the day about their situation, totally unaware of how insensitive and cruel he sounded in relation to Alan's worries.

"I'll tell you another thing, 6-1 odds our car is beat to shit."

Aria's eyes widened and she slapped his arm to make him stop talking, "Stu, not now."

He continued on regardless, not even stopping to question why she hit him, "No, how much do you wanna bet it's fucked beyond recognition?"

Phil stood up from his seat and approached him quickly, "That's enough. Alan's seriously worried, okay? Let's not freak him out any more."

"Sorry, Alan." Stu apologised a shameful smile on his face when he took better look at everyone's expressions.

"It's gonna be all right."


	4. Tiger Problems

Thank you so much for the reviews and alerts.

* * *

Chapter Four: Tiger Problems

* * *

Phil twisted his head to take a glance at the backseat where Aria and Alan were checking for clues before facing the road again as he asked, "Anything?"

Stu grimaced as he tossed a half smoked cigar to the side from the passenger seat, "Hmm, I got a cigar."

"Oh, I found, uh...These are some black shoes." Alan remarked as he held up the shoes up for them all to see.

"They women's shoes?"

Aria shook her head knowing no women in their right mind would wear those types of shoes, "Women would not wear shoes as ugly as those."

Phil frowned as he wondered who exactly they were with last night or whether they had actually stolen some poor hobbit man's shoes, "Whose are those?"

Stu shrugged and turned the shoes over to check for a size, "I don't know. It's a men's size 6.

"That's weird."

Aria watched in morbid fascination as Alan poked around the floor before pulling out something wet and slimy looking, "What the hell is that?" She paused and gagged as she realised it was a used condom, "Oh my god, Alan put it down!"

Alan apparently hadn't realised exactly what he was holding as he jiggled it around, "What is this, a snakeskin?"

Stu twisted around to get a better look and immediately wished he hadn't, "Oh, come on! Ew!"

Phil rolled his eyes at the younger man's complete obliviousness and explained, "That's a used condom, Alan."

Alan tossed it to the front of the car in response and laughed as it landed on Stu's shoulder who immediately freaked out and attempted to pick it up without touching it for too long.

"Oh, God. Belch!"

"Get it out of the car." Phil ordered more than disgusted that they were playing around with a condom; a condom that they didn't know who had used.

Alan shrieked as the condom was tossed back at him, hitting him on the forehead with a wet smack, "Gross, it's wet."

Aria put a hand to her mouth as she fought the urge to be sick; she was in a state of disbelief that they were just playing around with someone's condom. She felt even more queasy when she realised it was extremely likely that it belonged to her and Phil, given that it was becoming extremely obvious they had sex the night before, "This is disgusting."

Phil retched when it eventually made its way onto his shoulder and exclaimed, "I got jizz on me. Jesus Christ, guys!"

Stu sniggered as he watched his struggle to drive and remove the condom at the same time, "It's probably yours and Aria's anyway."

Aria scowled and slapped him weakly on the back of the head, "Hey! It could be yours and your wife's!"

Stu paled when he realised she could be right, "Oh, my God."

Phil let out an aggravated sigh as he jerked the car off of the road and onto the side, immediately flinging the condom out of the window as soon as he stopped, "All right, what the fuck, man? We gotta get this shit together, guys!"

Alan opened his mouth to respond before a thud stopped him, he turned to the others in the car as he asked, "What was that?"

Stu's brows furrowed when the thud sounded again, "It's in the trunk." His eyes widened in realisation as he fumbled for the door handle, "Doug's in the trunk."

The car exploded into action as soon as the words left his mouth, everyone frantically scrambling for a way out of the car. Aria winced when Alan basically body blocked her in his attempt to get out the car.

"Oh, fuck! Holy shit!"

"Holy shit!"

"Open it! Open it! Open it!"

Phil nodded frantically as he fumbled for the keys to open the trunk, "Okay, okay, okay."

Only when it eventually opened it wasn't Doug inside but another man, more specifically a naked man.

"Oh, God!"

The man reacted immediately by jumping onto Phil, his legs wrapped tightly around the taller man's shoulders as he hit him with a tyre iron before he dropped back down to the ground. Aria held her hands up in innocence as he turned his wild and frantic gaze on her.

"I'm a girl!" She shrieked and dashed to the other side of the car, not even attempting to help the others out.

They were three grown men and the naked guy was four foot nothing, he was shorter than her so surely they didn't need her help anyway. She was evidently wrong as she watched horrified as he knocked each of them to the ground and then again when any of them tried to get back up. She groaned as Alan attempted to appease the other man knowing that his attempt at negotiation would only end badly.

"Whoa. I'm with you, I'm with you!"

He swung his weapon like a sword before pointing it sternly at Alan, "You gonna fuck on me?"

Alan shook his head frantically, "Nobody's gonna fuck on you! We're on your side. I hate Godzilla! I hate him too. I hate him! He destroys cities!"

Phil groaned pathetically from the ground in an effort to make Alan stop talking but the other man continued on unconcerned.

"This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants."

The only response he got was a tire iron to the face before the shorter man ran away from them without so much as looking back. Aria turned wide eyes to the rest of the group as she slowly made her way back around the car, attempting to stutter out something which failed to form into a sentence.

Phil rolled onto his stomach and tried to commando crawl towards her feet as he groaned in pain, "What the fuck was that?"

Stu made similar noises of pain as he pleaded, "I have internal bleeding. Somebody call 911."

Phil gripped onto Aria's thighs as he pulled himself into a sitting position and pressed his forehead against her as her hand tangled itself into his hair and made soothing motions in some form of comfort.

"Who was that guy? He was so mean."

"Guys, there's something I need to tell you. Last night on the roof before we went out…" Alan started looking sheepish, "...I slipped something in our Jägermeister."

"What?"

Aria shook her head in disbelief, "Alan, please be joking right now!"

"I'm sorry, I fudged up, guys."

Stu stared back at him before calmly asking, "You drugged us?"

"No, I didn't drug you. I was told it was ecstasy."

"Well, who told you it was ecstasy?"

"The guy I bought it from at the liquor store."

Aria pursed her lips in annoyance that they were even discussing who gave him it instead of why he bought it for them in the first place, "We're just accepting the fact that he meant to give us ecstasy?"

Stu evidently agreed with her, "Why would you give us ecstasy?"

Alan's shrug was almost unnoticeable as he struggled to explain, "I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it. It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night."

"But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan it was roofies!" Stu stressed beginning to lose the calm he had forced upon himself.

"You think I knew that, Stu? The guy I bought it from seemed like a real straight shooter."

Aria groaned as she ran a hand across her face in exasperation, "What is wrong with you?"

"Yeah, you mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy?"

Phil sighed when he realised the situation was escalating even further, "Let's just calm down."

Stu's face began to redden as his temper flared and he pointed an accusing finger at all of them as he ranted, "You fucking calm down! He drugged us. You fucked Aria. We trashed our room. I lost a tooth. I married a whore."

"That's not- We don't know that -" Aria stuttered, embarrassed that this was getting brought up again.

Alan only seemed to take offence to Stu calling his stripper wife a whore, "How dare you! She's a nice lady."

"You are such a fucking moron."

"Your language is offensive." Alan pointed out with a slight whine to his voice.

"Fuck you!"

Phil staggered to his feet and stepped in-between the two men to try and diffuse some of the tension that was building, knowing that the group falling out right now wouldn't help to find Doug, "All right, let's just take a deep breath, okay? Seriously, this is a good thing. At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason."

"Yeah, you're right, Phil, it's totally a good thing. We're so much better off now. Here's something I would like to remind you all of: Our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now...with a meth-head butt-fucking his corpse."

"That's highly unlikely."

"It's true."

"Does not help. All right, let's get our shit together, guys. Let's go back to the hotel and I'm gonna make a couple calls. Maybe Doug's back there. Maybe he's asleep." He thumped the car for emphasise and gestured for them to get in, "Come on. Let's go."

Alan clicked his fingers to get Stu's attention, "Stu? Little help?"

"Shut up." He snapped as he shoved his hand away in response and yanked open the car door unaware that Alan had leaned over directly in the doors path of movement.

"Ow."

Aria gaped from the other side of the car having heard the door smack off of Alan's head, "Stu! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Oh, God. Oh, God, are you okay? I didn't mean to."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Stu winced as he looked over the red mark on Alan's forehead, "Alan, I'm sorry."

* * *

Aria's hand was clutched tightly in Phil's as they all made their way down the hallway to their suite. She was entirely too tired to even think about fighting him on it and to be honest she was kind of grateful for the physical comfort. She was a little concerned that they none of them had said a word to each other since their earlier argument but she was tired of being the voice of reason on this trip and so let Phil take over for the time being.

Alan was the first one to break the silence with what she considered to be a very reasonable question, "Wait, guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out?"

Phil threw his head back in aggravation having completely forgotten about it, "Oh, fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger. How the fuck did he get in there?"

Aria shrugged when he looked at her, "I don't know I've not even seen the tiger yet."

"And I don't know because I don't remember." Stu added completely deadpan as he looked at Alan.

"Shh. Stu. Stu, keep it down."

Alan nodded in response, "Because one of the, uh, side effects of, uh, roofies is memory loss."

Stu face went slack in shock, "You are literally too stupid to insult."

"Thank you."

Aria rolled her eyes and nudged Phil so he would get on with it and open the door. She was praying to every god that she knew existed that Doug would just be standing in the middle of the room wondering where the hell they had been the whole day.

"Hey. Hey, come on. Did we leave the music on?"

"I don't think so."

"Maybe the tiger did it."

Aria shook her head wondering not for the first time if Alan was mentally all there, "Are you for real?"

"Don't make any sudden movements."

Stu and Aria shrieked when they both collided with someone coming around the corner and she fell back against Phil whilst clutching Stu's arm in fright.

"Who the hell are you?"

"No, who are you?"

They were interrupted by another voice coming from within the room, "Quiet, quiet."

All of them stared and then blinked to make sure what they were seeing was real.

"Mike Tyson?

He waved his hands and shushed them, "Shh. This is my favourite part coming up right now." He air drummed before he gestured for them to join in with him as he sang along which they reluctantly did, "Need a chorus line, guys." He nodded at them again, "One more time, guys."

He smiled and then abruptly punched Alan in the face causing the other man to immediately drop to the floor knocked out cold.

"Oh, Jesus!"

"Oh, fuck!"

Aria dropped to her knees and tried to pull Alan's head into her lap without success, "Why did you do that?"

Who they assumed was Mike Tyson's bodyguard asked, "Mr. Tyson would like to know why his tiger is in your bathroom."

Phil held his hands up defensively as he tried to approach them, "Hold on, that was completely unnecessary. I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out Holmes that was..."

"Explain."

"All right, look, we were drugged last night. We have no memory of what happened."

Stu nodded as he backed up Phil's story, "It's true. We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend. If you wanna kill us, go ahead because I don't care anymore."

Aria clamoured to her feet and socked Stu in the shoulder before gracing the two men with a wide nervous smile, "I care! I would very much like it if you didn't kill me."

Mike's bodyguard gave her a soft nod and patted her shoulder in return, "No worries, sweetheart."

"Um, yeah." Phil replied staring at the hand on Aria's shoulder before turning back to Stu, "What are you talking about?"

He shrugged in response, "I don't care."

The bodyguard shook his head, "Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?"

"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up."

Aria silently disagreed with them but held her tongue because she'd rather just stay out of the entire argument if she could.

"I don't believe these guys, man."

"Wait, how did you guys find us?"

He held up a black suit jacket in response, "One of you dropped your jacket. Found it in the tigers' cage this morning."

"That's Doug's."

Aria carefully tugged the jacket out of the larger man's arms and dug around in all the pockets to see if she could find anything that might give them a clue about Doug's whereabouts.

"Yeah, Doug. His wallet and his room key are in there."

"No, that's our missing friend."

"I don't give a fuck."

Aria frowned at them, "Rude."

"Did you guys see him?"

"I was fast asleep."

"Because if he was up, this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly."

Mike shrugged, "Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar."

"Respect." The one man replied whilst placing his hat over his heart before putting it back on.

Phil glanced worriedly at them before asking, "Wha...? What happened to Omar?"

"Oh, don't worry about Omar; he's not with us no more."

"Okay, I know this is asking a lot...but do you think we could go to your house and look around...see if there are any clues?"

"Absolutely. How else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?"

"Come on, champ."

"I'm sorry?"

"We have to bring back your tiger?"

"Well we're not gonna put it in the Bentley. You brought it here, you bring it back."

"What you think, about 40 minutes?"

"Don't make me come back for him."

They watched them leave before Stu smiled a little and stated, "That was Mike Tyson."

"Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson."

"I'm just saying he's still got it."

Phil smiled falsely at him before pausing and patting him on the shoulder as he asked, "So you guys have the tiger thing handled right?"

"Why are you –" Stu started before following his line of sight and realised his eyes were glued to Aria's ass as she attempted to pick up some of their things that were littered around the floor, "Are you kidding, Phil?"

Phil licked his lips and titled his head to the side as he took in the view before startling as he realised Stu was talking to him, "What?"

"Now? You think now is a good time to try and hook up with Aria?"

Phil shrugged unashamed at his line of thought, "Well, I figure we could die getting this fucking tiger to Tyson so when do you suggest?"

Stu rolled his eyes and shoved him away, "Whatever, go away."

"Thanks buddy." Phil grinned and gave him thumbs up before sauntering over to Aria.

Alan walked up behind Stu, having woken up from his knockout and witnessed the conversation, "I don't get it."

"I'm surrounded by idiots."

* * *

Phil tucked his fingers down the back of Aria's jeans smiling when his fingertips brushed against lace.

"Hey."

She tipped her head back and smiled at him in greeting before letting out a quiet yelp when he roughly pulled her in the direction of the bedrooms, "What are you doing?"

He pushed her lightly into his previously unused room and closed the door behind him before stalking towards her and pushing off his suit jacket that she still wore, "Just don't think about, just do it."

"What-"She stared at him in complete bafflement before letting out a moan as his lips crashed against hers roughly, panting when they parted, "Oh."

He smirked and slid his hands under her top and over her ribs before pulling the material off, "Yeah."

She giggled and began tugging at the buttons of his shirt, whimpering as his blunt teeth nipped at the smooth skin between her neck and shoulder. Once she had successfully removed his shirt he went to work on her jeans and pulled the material from her legs none too gently cursing when they got tangled in her shoes. He kissed and bit her hip bones before getting a good look at her.

Her face was slightly flushed, her hair spread out below her and her lightly tanned skin was wrapped up in black lace, "Damn, you're beautiful."

She nibbled her bottom lip in nervousness before beckoning him closer, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist as she tugged him closer to her. He'd just started pulling down her underwear when the piano started from the living room and Stu's voice made its way around the room.

_"What do tigers dream of when they take a little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed."_

Phil groaned and dropped his head onto Aria's bare shoulder in utter annoyance, "Jesus Christ."

_"And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug and then we're gonna give him a best-friend hug. Doug, Doug, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug. If he's been murdered by crystal-meth tweakers…well, then we're shit out of luck."_

Aria grimaced and wiggled out from beneath Phil, suddenly no longer in the mood when she realised that Doug was still missing and they were in danger of Mike Tyson kicking their asses if they didn't get him his tiger back in half an hour.

Phil held back a whimper of discontent when he spotted Aria tugging back on her jeans and top and mourned the loss of all her bare skin, "I'm going to kill him."


End file.
